My Love-Hate Relationship with Yoga.
My love-hate relationship with yoga started 15 years ago. But here we are, still practicing. My practice has been a journey, and I have yet to commit to a particular “style.” Over the years, I’ve dabbled in Hatha, Ashtanga, Vinyasa (Life-Power and Baptiste), Hot Yoga (FKA Bikram), and Aerial. I love yoga so much that I became a yoga teacher (currently an E-RYT 500).
Through the journey I have taken hiatuses from teaching and being on my own mat too.
Upon returning to my yoga mat, after my recent yoga intermission, I decided to start with Hot Yoga. I like the style because there’s not a single chaturanga in the sequence and the heat.
Recently, at the end of the 90-minute class, as we are prepared to do the second side of janushirasana, the militant Hot Yoga Teacher walks from the center of class to me, singling me out to ask why I’m not bending my knee to bring my forehead closer to it.
Not known to the teacher, I have an old hamstring injury — at this point in class, my hamstrings are open and I could feel the old injury signaling my body to modify. As a knowledgeable-licensed massage therapist and yoga teacher, I adapt to gently massage my hamstring as I remain in the modified posture - my left knee is slightly bent. I’m partially folded over my left leg.
I am annoyed. [Internal Dialog] “What? Are we having a straight-up conversation in the middle of class about what I’m not doing perfectly per the Bikram Yoga Rx?”
I calmly respond that I have an old injury and will explain it to her after class. I am not a newbie, and no one has perfect practice. Nor did this teacher do this to anyone else; why me? Who knows?!
After class, as I was leaving, I explained that I had an old injury and needed to modify it. She militantly responded, “Well, I was trying to help you do the practice correctly.” At this point, I’m still annoyed - but calm. I explain to the militant teacher my professional experience as a yoga practitioner, teacher, and bodyworker, respectively, indicating that I will modify as I see fit and appreciate where she comes from (out of respect).
As I drove home, this interaction brought up emotions and questions (my backbends were pretty deep this day - I was already in a vulnerable-emotional place when our exchange occurred in the yoga room). Why do I love yoga? And Why do I hate it?
Why I love yoga:
Yoga teaches me about myself - not just the physical practice. Meditation and Breathwork have become important for me too.
The Yamas and Niyams resonate as great moral guides.
Yoga brings me peace.
Yoga has connected me to some of my closest friends.
Yoga has been a catalyst for my growth.
Yoga set me on the path to becoming a bodyworker, which is why I’m also trained in advanced Thai massage.
Every time I return to my mat, I discover something new and feel more enriched.
Yoga will forever be a part of my life and will continue to morph into whatever it needs to be/look like.
However, due to some of the reasons why I hate yoga, I have stepped away from my mat, but the love brings me back.
Reasons Why I Hate Yoga:
Racism
Cultural Appropriation
Yoga teachers/“gurus” that have sexual relationships with their staff/students (primarily male, but not all).
All sexual misconduct by prominent yoga figures (primarily male, but not all).
Yoga Bullies - Teachers who single out students for no reason other than to micromanage their posture/practice.
The massive egos of some teachers that have caused injury and create a lack of safety in the classroom
Teachers that blindly follow a script without questioning whether their words are accurate.
Spiritual Bypassing
YTTs not teaching adequate anatomy.
YTTs churning and burning students and teachers to make a profit.
YTTs that emphasize more on ethereal philosophy and focus less on the actual practice of yoga (the 8 limbs).
The pressure to perform on Social Media
The pettiness of business and business drama leaking into the community.
Putting teachers on pedestals when they are equally human as everyone else.